The one where I lose my ever lovin' mind.

I asked for questions and I got some- yay!  People not related to  me actually read this blog!  So Joy wanted  me to describe what I do when a$$holes block my driveway.  I live in Manchester- w/in the city limits.  The only way I can describe it to North Americans is that it is a lot like Boston.  I also live around the corner from loads of pubs, restaurants, shops… you get the point.  So we get a lot of people driving in to frequent these establishments.  I’ll call them the beautiful people (bp).  These bp are usually women.  They bee bop down my street looking for parking.  Amazingly right behind my car that is parked in my driveway there is an empty space.  HOW LUCKY ARE THEY!  So dreaming of the manicure/pint/goats cheese salad they’ve come all this way for they park in the amazingly convenient space in front of my house. 

Now I don’t pace in front of my window looking for people who are about to park in the amazingly convenient space in front of my house.  I eventually look out the window and notice that someone has taken advantage of said amazingly convenient space.  THAT is when I lose my ever lovin’ mind.  I stand in front of my window waiting for them.  I have also walked to the shops/restaurants/pubs looking for the bp.  I have found them.  I have made a jackass out of myself.  I DON’T CARE if I make a jackass our of myself.  I will add that on those times when Wal is home when this happens he HIDES.  The English don’t do confrontation very well.  I being a bossy, aggressive northern girl do confrontation and I do it well!

Now one time I sat my fat ass on a really pretty powder blue VW beatle that had found the AMAZINGLY CONVENIENT space  in front of my house.  I sat and sat and sat there.  I got  more and more insane as I sat there.  FINALLY she (and yes it is ALWAYS a she) comes clip clopping down the street towards her car.  I, in a slightly insane sounding way ask her if she thinks parking in the AMAZINGLY CONVENIENT space in front of my house was the right thing to do.  She tells me she didn’t do anything wrong and can’t figure out why I am so upset.  I explain to her (in my slightly insane voice) that I CAN’T LEAVE THE FU%&ING HOUSE because she’s  blocked me in.  I tell her that I have a daughter and what if I needed to rush her to the GP?  What if my partner called and needed me to pick him up because he had an emergency?  Hell what if I just needed to pick up some milk?  I told her that I was going to call the traffic police but thought I should just explain to her that it was just sooo not kosher to do what she did.  To this she tells me to chill out and that she hasn’t done anything illegal.  My head popped off and rolled down the street at this point- she took advantage of the situation to get in her car and drive away.  I picked up my head and walked back inside the house knowing that I didn’t get anything accomplished.  She won’t do it again but some other biotch in a beatle/mini/audi will find the AMAZINGLY CONVENIENT space in front of my house and again I’ll lose my mind. 

It happened again tonight- not more than 30 minutes ago I was standing by my door waiting for the bp who decided that it was OK to park in the AMAZINGLY CONVENIENT space in front of my house.  To my shock it wasn’t a bp of the female persuasion.  It was one of the cooks from the restaurant.  NOW that really pissed me off.  Now lets think about this a moment.  You’re a cook and you’re on your way to work.  Aaah, look an AMAZINGLY CONVENIENT space and soo close to the restaurant- I’ll just park right here.  I only have an 8 hour shift- it’s not like the car that just happens to be parked in the driveway in front of the AMAZINGLY CONVENIENT space will need to get out.  Besides I’m sure they won’t mind.  He did move the car and I didn’t say anything to him, I just stood glaring at him from the door.  The bastard had the nerve to wave and smile as he pulled away.  At this point my head popped off again and rolled down the street.

Tomorrow I’ll answer her questions.  If there are any more questions you’re just gagging to ask- feel free to ask.

Edited to add: the cook moved his car and went back to work- so I can only assume someone that works at the restaurant must have seen me glowering at the car from the doorway.  Also I think it is illegal to block a driveway- something about right of egress.  I don’t know for sure.  I have called the police but they never show up.  Don’t blame them- gun crime or someone has a blocked driveway… which to deal with first?

7 Comments

  1. maria
    November 4, 2007 /

    Do you mean IN your driveway?? it IS illegal if they park in front of your drive isn’t it?

  2. November 4, 2007 /

    in the states it is illegal to block a driveway.

    I live in a cute little neighborhood too with lots of business around. Salons, nail shops, book stores, antiques, pubs, restaraunts etc. Even a little gym.

    The women that use the gym always block half my fucking driveway.

    Half of it.

    and it isn’t as though it isn’t obviously a drive way. IT IS OBVIOUSLY a drive way. IT MAKES ME SOOOOOOOOOOO MAD.

    and when my head pops off and rolls down the street, it’s bad. I am sure that I sound just as insane. Once a woman cried. CRIED… I did not feel bad.

    Sorry, it makes me SOOOOOO MAD

  3. Liliana
    November 4, 2007 /

    well I GOT A TICKET FOR PARKING IN FRONT OF MY GODMOTHERS DRIVE WAY

  4. moosh in indy.
    November 5, 2007 /

    Way to represent us crazy norther Yanks!
    I’m so flippin’ proud of you.

  5. byrney
    November 5, 2007 /

    I don’t blame you for popping your head off!! It would make me move house!! And good on you for confronting them all (especially thsoe Bini owners ha ha!!)
    B
    P.S It those big BMW MINI’s that block your drive not us nice proper minis, just incase people think I belong with the “bini owners” they are very different to us lol. Oh and I’m not being angry when I tye MINI thats how BMW differentiate their name all caps..says it all really……

  6. Lindy
    November 5, 2007 /

    maria- no they don’t park IN my driveway just block the entrance.

    byrney- Oh I didn’t know that it’s MINI and not mini, how strange. Never had a classic mini block me in so you might have a point.

    Cami- I wish I had a non permanent way to get across to them that they piss me off. Shaving cream? Let the air out of the tires? crowbar??

    Liliana- I’ve been thinking about contacting the metermaid people (it’s run by a private company here) to see if I can give them a call whenever this happens- a nice heafty fine would make me very happy! Uum sorry you got a ticket though…

    Casey- yep I’m representing all crazy nothern girls- Craazy with a capital C and an extra A for good measure!!

  7. November 8, 2007 /

    You’re my heroine!

    (I should quote Tina Fey here and say that by You’re My Heroine, I mean someone I admire, not that I want to inject you and listen to jazz).

    Rude bastards parking in your drive should be punishable by death. Or at least punishable by yelling from loud Northerner! 🙂