One Question. One Hope.

I get asked one question all.the.time.  Why did you move to England?  This question is usually asked w/ a look of disgust and disbelief on their faces.  Brits just can’t understand why I would leave America for dark and dreary England.  I think they think that ALL of the USA is Florida/Disney/NYC/LA where the sun never sets and everyone has pool in the back yard.  Kind of like when I was in the US and people would ask why I was moving to London.  I would tell them no I was moving to Manchester NOT London.  Still the next time I would see them they would ask me if I was still moving to London *sigh*.   

I moved to England for one simple reason.  Wal.  It’s really that simple.  I have never, not once, regretted this decision.

I don’t talk about the negatives of living in England.  Eeeer well except for the bastards that block my driveway- then I’m always negative.  But over all life is good.  I don’t have to worry about health-care, we have National Health Service.  The equipment might not be shiny and top of the line but it works and it won’t put me in the poor house.  I love the NHS!!  Wal and I are able to work it so that I don’t have to work.  Granted I don’t have a car and we live in a wee little house but those are soo insignificant.  Being w/ Squidge every day is soo much more important to me.  Warning: Shameless Christmas wishlist plug… Yes I want a Nikon D40 and some really nice leather boots for Christmas but if I don’t get them I’ll be alright.

Living soo far away from family has it’s drawbacks and benefits.  The benefits being that I can just blow into town and everyone is happy to see me (and when I say me I really mean Squidge) then I blow out of town again before I overstay my welcome.  The drawbacks are that I miss my family.  I miss the family parties.  I miss the silly mundane things, like my mom and aunt Liliana and their Friday trips to the mall.  I really miss those mall trips.  I miss the community of friends my parents have and the events they hold to remember their Portuguese-ness.  I miss dropping by and visiting w/ people who have known me all my life.  One possitive is that I’ve gotten really good at striking up conversations w/ strangers and being an inclusive person.  You have to or you’ll die of loneliness.  

In the spirit of my new blogging openness I’m going to talk about a very painful part of my life.  I’m trying to put this into words but am having a difficult time, please forgive my clumsy bumbling…  Squidge and I don’t have a relationship w/ her English grandparents.  That is to say Wal’s parents made it clear to me when I first moved here that they did not approve and did not want to have anything to do with me.  We thought they would mellow a bit after Squidge was born, sadly they have not.  Squidge will be 18 months on Christmas day.  She will have been a living breathing being for one year and a half-547.863298 days.  She has never seen her grandmother or grandfather.  Their cat died a couple of weeks ago.  I mentioned to Wal that now might be the time to drop by w/ Squidge.  I would stay home as they don’t like me and I don’t really fancy seeing them but do feel that Squidge should have a relationship with them.  I hope that this Christmas they will finally open their hearts and allow Squidge to be a part of their lives. 

So you see, although I blog about all things Squidge I suppose I don’t really blog about ALL.THINGS.SQUIDGE.  No one wants to know about the bad and negative.  I choose to focus on the positive.  I choose not to waste my time hating them.  I choose to think that one day they will meet a little girl that I think this is the bees knees. 

Helping dad put her chair together!

Watching Cbeebies

giggles

It really is their loss…

12 Comments

  1. December 7, 2007 /

    it really really *is* their loss.

    xoxo

  2. maria
    December 7, 2007 /

    I know we have talked about this before and I think you are a very COOL person and bigger than I can be..whether you are just faking it til you make it..I don’t care.. but yes, THAT is amazing that they can STAY away?? The fact that you’d be willing to even let her go with just her dad is huge and I will be waiting on the edge of my seat to see how this plays out.. People really think they have 9 lives.. and they get loads of chances.. (shaking my head).. poor them.. ((hugs))

  3. jenty
    December 7, 2007 /

    It really is their loss! 🙁 I hope that one day they’ll accept her, and then they’ll really realise how much they’ve missed out on.

    The thoughts of missing my family is the only thing stopping us from emigrating.

  4. byrney
    December 7, 2007 /

    Very very odd! As you can see from my blog my family have loads of parties and Caitlin and Noah love them. Richards family live down south and we don’t see them as much as we’d like and I feel they miss out on the kids. Why someone who lives so close has no interest in even meeting her is just weird. But yeah their loss!!! She is a credit to you..she’s cute and really well behaved – a pleasure for Caitlin to play with!!

  5. December 7, 2007 /

    Yes, it truly is their loss. I don’t have the easiest of relationships with my in-laws either. They thought I was not good enough for their son. But to give them their due, they did a massive about face when the grandchildren appeared and they have a warm and close relationship with them (while I bite my tongue hard).

    She’s such a honey. Their loss (and not much you can do about it). Sometimes folks just back themselves into a corner and Can’t see their way out.

  6. Suburban Mum
    December 7, 2007 /

    Obviously I don’t know them (or you!), but it seems such a strange thing for people to do – and they will regret it if they don’t sort themselves out. I had a massive row with my brother which meant we didn’t speak for 2 years and we both missed a lot of important events in each other’s lives, and we were both in our 30s. The first years of a child’s life are so special and they’re missing out on it all. Very sad, but as you all have said, it’s their loss.

  7. Sarah
    December 7, 2007 /

    Good for you for taking the high road. It’s hard to imagine people not wanting to know you and cute Squidge.

  8. December 7, 2007 /

    people are so odd, that is completely their loss. that would really upset me, hopefully they’ll come to their senses!

  9. December 8, 2007 /

    It’s very much their loss. I’m sorry you have to deal with that, especially under the circumstances. That sounds really hard.

  10. Maryann
    December 9, 2007 /

    Another heart-felt, tear jerking post. It is their f’n loss. Sorry I can’t help the Portuguey temper getting in there. Now I am over it! UGH!!! Hope that you are well and not freezing as much as we are here =( Miss you guys… all of you

  11. Jo Beaufoix
    December 9, 2007 /

    People are so strange and sad sometimes. I can’t understand how they wouldn’t want to know the woman their son loves, and their beautiful little girl. It is their loss. At least Squidge will always know her parents left the door open.

  12. December 19, 2007 /

    I can’t belive I haven’t seen squide in almost 2 whole weeks and I just live off the pictures!

    I hope too that they open their heart to such a beautiful and wonderful child.