Do you remember the feeling you had the first time someone left you in charge of something really really important? Like a newborn or large sums of money. The kind of responsibility that if you screw up you’ll go to jail and you get just a teeny bit jittery because shit this is biiig time. I felt like that when I was left alone with Squidge. She was only about 3 days old, my mom had left and Wal was back at work for a couple of hours. I think it was a panic attack-a teeny one. I got all jittery and felt like WTF are these people doing leaving me alone with this… this BABY!! Over the past couple of years I’ve grown more and more confident in my child and my parenting skills. I think Squidge is great and funny and well behaved. Did you hear that? No? Well that was Murphy laughing his ass off at my arrogance.
Since I arrived at my parents house I have lived with a bad tempered, willful, SCREECHING pain in the ass child. I swear to all that is good and true in the world she was NOT always like this. Don’t get me wrong she had her moments but I could usually deal with it. Now it’s NON FRECKING STOP and I think it’s driving me a bit crazy. I’m having that same jittery feeling I had when she was a newborn. Like WTF people, I can’t really do this and why would you even think that I can?? Screeching toddler please shut up and can my great, funny and well behaved child please please pretty please with a cherry on top be returned to me?!!?! PLEASE (insert rising panic).
I called Wal this evening after returning home from Squidges godparents joint 30th birthday party (Happy Birthday Matt and Maryann). I called him sobbing because I just had the worst day and felt like I didn’t handle the screaming banshee devil child like a ‘good’ mom should. I shouted at her. I yelled Nooo put that down, noooo no no nooOOOOOOO NOOOO I said NOO Squidge come here, come heeere coooome heeere!! OOOOH MY GOD CHILD COME HERE BEFORE I DO SOMETHING WE’LL BOTH REGRET!!(repeat x 10) All this while feeling like people were looking at me and judging me which you know only makes it worse and I just wanted to crawl under a rock and die! So I called Wal for a little reassurance and he ended up getting angry with me because well he thinks Squidge is great and well those that judge obviously don’t have kids blah bladdiy blah blah! Ya, I KNOW that numbnut I just wanted you to tell me to get over myself and that she’s fine and I’m fine and it’s all fine. He did make me feel better in the end but I had to get through his fatherly indignation first.
I also want to apologize to Sarah(Squidge’s English godmother- yes she has two of them) for waking her up. Apparently during his fatherly indignation Wal got a bit loud and woke her up. He’s down in Shropshire visiting them for the weekend. So again sooo sorry.
On the PT front it’s going well. In that if your definition of well is repeatedly peeing herself while at the mall then it’s going fanfreakingtastic. Did you know that a Maclaren stroller can hold water pretty good? Can you picture it?? Oh yes I had a fun(remember she’s a bundle of fun at the moment) time at the mall. She did pee in the potty 2 times- after we had her sit on the potty for a loooong time. Oooh the dancing and clapping that we did. Then the waving bye bye to the pee as we dumped it in the toilet and flushed it away. Much much dancing and clapping and happiness. Then we had the pooping in the pants incident. Yah like totally loads of fun that was. Then this afternoon she sat herself down on the potty and PEED!! By herself on her own without any prompting. Oooh the dancing and clapping that we did. Then the waving bye bye to the pee as we dumped it in the toilet and flushed it away. Much much dancing and clapping and happiness. Granted she did this while wearing her new party dress and her panties still on but hell I’m not complaing cuz she peed in the potty ALL.BY.HERSELF.
I’m off to bed now. Apparently dealing with a screeching banshee child who’s potty training is exhausting. Who would have thunk it! Nighty night.