Mid-winter slump

sorry for the rambling nature of this post.  I’m really struggling with what to say on this blog at the moment so I’m just going to stream of consciousness write/blog.

toothy

Not much to report here.  It’s been really cold, although nice and sunny for a couple of days, and I’ve been sticking close to home.  Wal is off on an extended business trip and won’t be back until next Thursday, he left yesterday.  It really sucks when he  travels over the weekend but his boss is here and well, you do what you have to do.

reading

I did venture into the village to run some errands, stopped for coffee and then it was swimming.  We haven’t been swimming since before the Christmas break and Squidge did. not.like.it.at.all  she cried the entire time we were there and it pretty much sucked.  I’m hoping that next week will be better.

I’m trying to force myself to get out and do things but it’s been difficult- anyone else feeling the winter blues??

Earlier this year I ordered the aquababies photo of Squidge swimming underwater.  We had the photo shoot a year ago last October!!  The photo arrived today and I can’t say I’m all that pleased with it.  The focus on it is very soft.  I’m not sure if that is just how they are seeing as it was taken underwater.  I’m also not all that pleased with the ordering process.  I ordered it from the photographers website and didn’t receive an order confirmation or any indication whatsoever that they had received my order.  I had planned on calling him last week to confirm that they had received my order but the time (abject laziness if truth be told) go away from me.  Suddenly today it arrives in the post.  Oooh kay thank you.

underwater-esme

I’ve been working on stationary/posters/marketing/information packs for my photography business.  I need to get the word out that I’m here and I rock. Does anyone know how to make a watermark for photographs?  I have a graphic and I want to add to photos but I don’t know how.  I suppose I could pay someone to do it but I’m cheap and I know I could do it myself!!

I ordered some prints from Etsy today and can’t wait for them to arrive.  I noticed last week during my cleaning craze that I don’t have any artwork up.  I’m also planning on changing Squidge’s room out a bit.  She still has the classic Winnie the Pooh prints up in her room and they look just a little bit babyish to me.

Squidge has been really really cute.  She is ALWAYS coming up to me and telling me she yuvs me.  She’s a very cuddly child and I love love love that about her.  I hope that never changes.  I know that I am not very huggy with those that I love and I’m trying to change that.  I wonder if I was a cuddly/huggy child and changed when I got all angsty teenagery.

Wal and I (and Squidge) are planning a trip for next month.  I’m soo looking forward to it.  Wal is visiting a customer in Northern Spain and we’re tagging along and making a week of it.  We’re also trying to decide if we should go skiing.  What do you guys think?  With the global economy in the crapper part of me want to be very very cautious and not spend the money.  Skiing is a fairly expensive holiday- at least £3k if we’re careful.   What if Wal loses his job.  It’s not in any danger as far as we know but…

Yesterday on Women’s Hour they were talking about feminism.  I’ve always considered myself a feminist and don’t consider it a 4 letter word.  While I was listening to it I wondered what kind of message my SAHM self is giving Squidge.  Giving up my job after Squidge was born was easy.  It was a horrible menial job that I had taken just to get into the job market here in England.  I wonder if I had had a job in my field if I would have been willing to give it up so quickly.  I think yes because the money was horrible although I did love it. Being a SAHM has been difficult for me.  I have worked since I was 16 and have always had my own money- it may not have been much but it was mine.  Having to rely on Wal for money has been tough.  He’s never denied me anything within reason.  Still I have felt like I was taking advantage of him.  Still I do keep the house clean *coughbullshitcough*, cook for him, raise his child and all the other thousands of things I can’t remember.  Still it’s a very old fashioned kind of existence.  I’m not one of those shopping/lunching SAHM’s.  Well this little bit is rambling AND confusing so I’ll end it here.

On the 10th I drove down to Cambridge w/ Byrney and the kids.  A good friend of ours moved down there last year and her daughter was having a birthday party.  We figured why the hell not and off we went.  I’m so glad we did.  Squidge had a blast and it was great to see Teddy and the kids again.

chloe-blowing

I need to call my Mom, I haven’t spoken to her in over a week.  I need to call my friends and try to see them more often.  I need to become more confident and stop thinking that people don’t like me.  I think this is one of my worse failings.  I constantly think people don’t like me.  Sometimes I don’t give people a chance  I just assume they won’t like me so I don’t even try.  Stupid, isn’t it!!

I’m hoping to organize a Spa day with some of my girlfriends.  I have never ever ever been to a spa.  I’ve never had a facial. I KNOW!! What is wrong with me!  Anyone want to join me?  I know there is a spa right outside of Knutsford I would like to try.  Julia, have you ever been??

OK I’m going to end this here seeing as my word count is hovering around 1100 and that is waaaay too many words and very unlike me!

I’ll be back to normal soon. I hope.

10 Comments

  1. Byrney
    January 23, 2009 /

    A spa day…OOOoooo I also have never even been near one never mind let them touch me!! So you’re not that weird!! Well unless I am too! My skin is so so so dry at the mo I’m sure I would benefit from a facial or something!

  2. SCM
    January 23, 2009 /

    A holiday sounds like just the thing. When you get back it’ll be nearly spring and things seem so much better then.
    Ski-ing trip? I dunno. Will there be any snow left when you get back from Spain? Decisions, decisions.
    I see what you mean about the underwater photo.
    I’ve never done a spa but a couple of friends have and they said they had a great time so go for it!

  3. Tia Lilliana
    January 24, 2009 /

    love the under water photo she looks super

  4. guilty noodles
    January 24, 2009 /

    I too have the winter blues. I’ve become antisocial and reclusive. I don’t know, something about this weather makes me retreat with a cup of tea, a good book or messing with the laptop. Even my boys don’t have an interest in heading out. The only one is our dog, which is good because it forces me to head out for a little fresh air and exercise.

    I LOVE the photo of Squidge underwater. I had a friend who used a waterproof camera and they came out super blurry too. I don’t think it has improved much since.

    Spa day is perfect for you! Well deserved too. I’m not a fan of facials as it hurts like hell and then you look like someone pummeled you afterwards. But the next day, you’ve got glowing skin. I much prefer a massage or a hot stone massage and pedicure. I say a Spa day over skiing any day. Besides, I’m sure it’s best to wait until Squidge is a bit older.

    I know what you mean about working. I worked since I was… 7? And I have a really strong work ethic. I cut back to part-time after the birth of my first, but then had to quit when my second came along. I have to say, it was quite difficult juggling even a part-time job and baby. I don’t know how some mothers do it. I applaud them, but it’s not for me. Besides, my husband and I are firm believers in having one parent home with the kids. We both had working mothers, so we enjoy raising them in a manner different from the way we grew up.

    Oops, this is a long comment. I hope you feel better and thanks for my Squidge fix and baby Squidge to boot!

  5. maria
    January 24, 2009 /

    Hey!! don’t go changin’. I personaly LOVE the long snipits of rambles.. It help us see more of the ‘real’ you..I also like the Underwater shot..can you believe how much she’s GROOOOWWNN!?? I know what you mean sbout the SAHM thing.. it is tough and makes one feel torn but in our case we really didn’t see another choice and yes, the money was crap.. and it is tough and sometimes i feel resentful.. at my sitch not C.. :-)) Glad you are back..

  6. January 24, 2009 /

    Everybody needs a good rant every now and then. Some of us more than others. The underwater photo is very cute. As far as work goes, as soon as you have your photographic business up and running and you do that first job you will feel tons better.

  7. habitual
    January 25, 2009 /

    I love the photo – what a darling swimsuit!

    Spa day sounds wonderful, I used to get facials all the time when I lived in Detroit because I had a friend with flawless skin, so I went to her facialist. Now, I have no idea where to begin, I don’t trust anyone. People touching me makes me nervous, my sister took me for a mani-pedi once and I was silently FREAKING while she kept saying “isn’t this so fun?” – uh, no. No it’s not. 😉

    I know what you mean, winter blues and self-sabotaging. Who knows why we do it, but many of us do. I swear I was just having a similar conversation with MP today. And I need to dig myself out of a rut as well. Of course, the news doesn’t help. Everytime I turn on the TV I feel like I’m going to be standing in a bread line next week. Craziness. Le Sigh.

    Hang in there! Spain sounds incredible. I vote NO SKIING. It’s overrated, expensive and you could get hurt. Plus, there’s just too many other things to see in Spain.

  8. Julia
    January 26, 2009 /

    Yes to the spa day !!! I’ve had a facial once and a massage once. Weird but fun, so I’m up for it. I think you have Wal drop you off at mine and the men have the kids so that we can go totally relaxed.

    You’re not just a SAHM – you have your photography now. So you’re actually setting a really high standard for squidge. A mom that can do it all 🙂