Confessions of a smacking* mother

*Edited this post because I was getting weirded out by the searches people were using to find my blog.  I understand that sp@nk!ing has an alternative meaning and I would prefer if those alternative folks would go somewhere else!

Do you smack your children?  Have you ever smacked/spanked your children?

I do. I did. I have.  I am a spanker.  I smack Squidge if and when I feel she needs it.  There I said it.  Should I now wait for child services to come knocking on my door?  Should I feel shame?   I don’t think so.  I don’t beat her senseless.  I don’t take a switch to her bare bottom and whip her until she bleeds.  What I do is warn her that she is doing something wrong.  I give her ample warning.  I then tell her I’m going to smack her.  I usually smack her bottom.  Sometimes I’ll ask her to put out her hands and I’ll slap them.  I try not to smack in anger.  I’m much bigger than she is and smacking in anger could result in bad bad things happening.  Should I admit that I have smack her in anger?  If I do admit to it will I be crucified?  Such a scary and sensitive issue but I feel like I need to say something. I have spanked her in fear.  When she ran off from me and was almost hit by a car.  I smack her bottom and shouted at her.  I’m sorry if that upsets anyone but it’s how I dealt with it.  Has she ever done that again? NO.  Has she tried to run off and refused to hold my hand while walking down a busy road? Yes, she has and at that point I stopped knelt down and had a chat to her about danger, cars and needing to be cautious.  I reminded her of the last time she ran off and how upset I had been.  She held my hand and all was good.

Should I confess the time I smacked Squidge because she was screaming so much she was making herself sick?  I good swift smack on her bum and she quickly quieted down.  She was stuck in a loop, couldn’t breath and I felt that was better that shaking her.  Should I apologize for that? Is that wrong?

I had coffee with a friend the other day who shushed me when I mention I smacked Squidge.  She shushed me and then looked around the cafe to make sure no one was looking at us or had heard us.  She was genuinely concerned for me and what might happen if someone overheard us.  I told her I didn’t care if someone heard me as I have not done anything wrong.  My child is an intelligent, funny, outgoing little girl who has a healthy bit of fear of her parents.  I am not her friend. No matter how much I enjoy our outings to libraries, cafe’s and shops our relationship is one of a parent and a child.  My role is to raise her to be a kind and intelligent person. Our life is not a constant battle where I am smacking her daily.  I can’t remember the last time I did smack her.  The threat of a smacking is enough.  Hell sometimes a deep sigh will get her to stop whatever it is she’s doing.  Fear it does a body good!

I think sometimes as mothers, as women we are a tad bit judgmental. We crucify women for tweeting after something horrible happens to their child.  We get up on our high horse and judge women for feeding their kids fish fingers.  We forget that we’re all just doing the best we can.  That for the most(no absolute statement here as I’m sure someone would set me straight) part we love our children and would jump in front of a bus to keep them safe.  I love Squidge with all of my heart and every cell in my body.  Does that mean I’m going to let her run roughshod? No it doesn’t and she knows that. My parents spanked me and I think I turned out OK.

I think she’s doing OK too.

4 Comments

  1. March 9, 2011 /

    I’m a smack-er here too. Only when Zack has done something dangerous have I ever smacked him. Like with you, he tried to run away from me when I was heavily pregnant and I was terrified he’d go onto the road. Once I caught up with him he got a smack and a good talking to about it once we got home.
    I can’t remember the last time I smacked him either.
    It’s different with Max. I’ve never smacked him. With the autism, he has no idea of consequences, so it would be a complete waste of time! So you’re not alone! x

    • Lindy
      March 10, 2011 /

      I’m glad I’m not the only one. I was very nervous about writing this post. I agree that if the child is not cognitively able to understand why then it does no good at all. My hat off to you, it must be so difficult to discipline a child w/ autism. Do you discipline him? How do you?

      We always talk about why I was cross. Last night I was VERY cross w/ Squidge and she was sent to bed without her bedtime story (a fate worse that a spanking let me tell you!!) This morning we talked about why I was cross and what happened and how for it not to happen again. It’s the same if it was a spanking (as opposed to punishment)- we talk it out so that the thing she did wrong is what is uppermost in her mind and not the punishment. I hope I’m doing it right! LOL you never can tell if the way your raising your kids is the right way but just do the best you can!

  2. Nicola Ridings
    January 12, 2012 /

    I’ve smacked E too, like you gave her plenty of warning and used it as a last resort. I can’t remember the last time, must be over 6 months ago but that’s only because I haven’t needed to. I think we come from the same discipline school of thought. I do have friends that think I’m quite strict or too hard on her, I do have high standards and I do have to remind myself that she has choices and to give her some free reign so as not to stifle her personality. On the whole she’s very well behaved and happy, but hey each age stage brings its own challenges and the terrible two’s were testing times. I’ve noticed recently that since starting school the cheek has increased and the backchat. Something else we’ll have to work through.

    • Lindy
      January 12, 2012 /

      I think more people that will admit are spankers.