A couple of weeks ago I had someone I considered a good friend “un-friend” me on Facebook. I only noticed because I wanted to send her a message. I sent her an email asking me if she’d done it as I thought maybe it was a weird FB thing. I could not have been more shocked when she came back and said that yes she did and she didn’t want to be friends with me any more. Now I am writing this not to bash her but because I need to get these feeling out. I need to process the thoughts and feelings I am having because I need to stop feeling like crap over it.
I was told that she was tired of me bad mouthing her and criticizing her when she voiced an opinion. I was shocked. I didn’t think I did that but for a friend to feel so strongly about it to cut off all ties was something I needed to take stock of. I looked back on my twitter feed and other than not wanting to listen to my old neighborhood association go on about something I didn’t agree with I couldn’t find anything I said that was negative. So I keep going back to why a friend would think that I was attacking her. I don’t have a lot of friends, I never have. It’s a choice I make because I want those that I do call friends to be just that a friend. If you’re a friend I should be able to disagree with you without it being personal. All of the people I call friends know that I speak my mind. I may say something stupid but it is never my intention to be hurtful. I am still reeling from this and am now second guessing all of my friendships. I value all of them and don’t want them to be sitting at home harboring resentment and festering with anger while I blithely go on as I always have. I emailed my friend and told her that I had not been critical of her. That any posts were about things that were happening in my life and not directed towards her. I told her I was sorry she felt this way. That her un-friending me and cutting off ties was for the best if she’d been feeling this way for a while. Still, it hurts. I am sad beyond words over the demise of this friendship. I met her when Squidge was 3 weeks old. I had just gone through a pregnancy in a new country. My partners family wanted nothing to do with me. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing raising this baby. I met her and she was awesome. A straight talking, down to earth mom just like me. Squidge mentioned my ex-friends two oldest the other day and how she was looking forward to seeing them again. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that she won’t be seeing them. I’m hoping that over time she will forget about them.
I’m trying really hard to not take it personally. I’m trying to tell myself that she just didn’t think we suited as friends and had every right to stop being my friend. Still I can’t help thinking I have failed.
I am going to moderate comments on this post. I don’t expect a lot of comments because I don’t generally get a lot of them but I don’t want any negativity and if I see it I’ll delete it.
We went to Brittany the last week of half term and I still need to blog about it. The photo above is a picture Squidge specifically asked me to take. It’s of her and Boo Bunny (the bunny in the bag) in front of a shop w/ a GIANT Boo Bunny. Squidge lost her ever lovin’ mind when she saw it. Boo Bunny is her favorite toy. She sleeps w/ it and takes it on trips with her.