The Big D

st marys

So did you hear? Wal and I are getting hitched! Finally after all this time we’ve decided to do the deed. I’m excited about it and sometimes can’t believe we had actually agreed to do it.  I told Wal I would chat w/ the vicar next time we went to church. A few weeks ago we got dressed at went to our usual 9:30 service- we are what I like to call irregular regulars. We don’t go every Sunday but go enough that we’re not newbies. After the service I chatted w/ the vicar and he asked us a bunch of questions  including have you been married before… yes, yes I have. *silence*  I was then asked if it was a case of adultery or abandonment. Yes, yes it was. Good a smile on his face- all I’d need to do was prove that- was it on the divorce decree? No, I wanted a no hassle one so we waited the 12 month separation period and had a non contested divorce. Well come to find out the Church of England has a pretty dim view on divorce (HA!) I can only get married in the church if I can prove I’d been abandoned or he’d been an adulterer- could I contact him and would he agree to admit that. Urm…. Uh…. HELL THE FUCK NO! Why! Why?!?!  Why would I want to contact me ex?!?!?!?  Soooo a church founded because a king wanted to divorce his wife is now not allowing me to get married because I’ve been divorced. I’m livid! I mean really? REALLY Church of England?!?!!! How amazingly hypocritical of you!  So in the end we’re getting MARRIED at the registrars office and having a blessing at the church. To be honest I’d be happy to just have the registry thing and say to hell w/ the church.  What do you guys think? Should I keep paying for having a failed marriage? Why is it in 2013 I’m still made to feel like there is something wrong with me because for whatever reason my marriage ended in divorce.  It’s made me feel pretty shitty at a time when I should be excited.

6 Comments

  1. March 12, 2013 /

    Wow. That’s insane!
    You probably attend church more than most people who they DO let get married in there! 4 of my friends have had church weddings. They all attended for the mandatory period beforehand & haven’t been back since. Seems a bit backward to let them tie the knot in their establishment, while turning away actual members of the congregation. I’d be livid too. This is part of the reason I don’t like religion. Seems to be lots of double standards and moving the goalposts to suit their needs in my opinion. PS congratulations!! 😀

    • Lindy
      March 12, 2013 /

      It is soo backwards but I guess I shouldn’t expect anything different. I was just a bit shocked at their stance on divorce. Thanks for the Congrats- trying to not let it get me down and focus on the happy bits.

  2. March 12, 2013 /

    Hmm, no not fair, but this is religion we are talking about. We couldn’t get married in the church we wanted too. The one I was christened in and my parents married in as we didn’t live in the parish and the vicar was an old git. In the end we very nearly didn’t get married in church at all as the vicar forgot to read our bans and the bishop had to come and do them the week before! I have to admit that I thought you and Wal were already married!

    • Lindy
      March 13, 2013 /

      lots of people do – we’ve been together for donkeys!

  3. March 12, 2013 /

    I had the same problem. An Anglican church in Australia married us, not a CofE. I was a bit miffed that my church (in the UK) said no given that I came to christ after my divorce (I was married in a registrars first time and was baptised and confirmed after my divorce) so effectively this was my first time married in the eyes of God. I also believe that ‘rules’ should be bendable based on individual circumstances. After a bit of heavy discussion with my vicar he was rather relieved to hear I had decided to marry in Australia, as it let him off the hook really. I think it depends on how much you really want to have a blessing in your church. There are many churches that will marry you. Also it depends on what you believe, if we had stayed in the UK I would have done the registrar/blessing approach with the belief that the vicar was really marrying us before God, I think God knows me and would love and bless our marriage wholly. I don’t really give a rat’s ass what the vicar believes, that is for him to discuss with God himself 🙂 What ever you decide try to make it what you know in your heart is right for you and your family. God will love and support loving families always I think. xxx PS CONGRATULATIONS xxxx

    • Lindy
      March 13, 2013 /

      We’re doing the blessing because I feel it’s important for ME personally. I just think it’s a bit rich the stance on divorce. Like others have said loads of people attend the minimum in order to get married at the church and here we are active members and we get a no.